Friday, January 28, 2011

Faces of Loss/Faces of Hope

I stumbled upon one of the many blogs I read, and I couldn't help to click on the link to the site: My heart saddens when I hear about an infant loss, or even a miscarriage. I mourn for the women that go through this, and I get angry with the ones that choose to abort them.

Not many people know this, but I lost my big brother several years before I was born, and I lost my little sister many years later. I honestly don't know how my mother deals with it-- she doesn't talk about it. William was 8 months in utero, and Aspen was 6 months in utero.

When the doctors told me that it would be difficult for me to ever conceive; I found out July 2006, that I might have some hope. I went home to Texas, and found out that I was expecting. It wouldn't even be a week later that I would find out that I lost the baby. My heart was broken, and I was deeply confused. Furthermore, Mr. B was in California, and I was dealing with it alone. My trip home was shortened, and Mr. B requested me to come back sooner. (I had no idea how far along I was, because I wasn't regular.) I grieved alone for the next few months, (Hubby was in denial) and in the beginning of November, I saw my sister 6 months pregnant. She was glowing, and I couldn't help but to be a little envious. I put my hand over belly just to get a solid kick from my niece. I was excited for my sister, but my heart physically hurt, and I couldn't control how I felt about "what could have been".

Little did I know, that I had a miracle happening inside me! I found out on Thanksgiving 2006, that I was expecting Miss K. My little spit fire of joy. I love her soo much!

So, that is my story.