I am just tired... and everyone else is pregnant.

I giggle as I right my title to this post, because it seems that all my friends are preggers AND my fellow bloggers. Okay, maybe not all of you. Although, there are a lot. I've been baby fevered for a while, and the Mr. is making us wait a bit longer. So, we shall see what 2013 will bring us!

It has been a while since I last posted, and I incredibly suck at posting regularly by the way. I've found out a solution to my vitamin d deficiency, and that was... I can't be strictly Paleo. It was sad, but even though I am lactose intolerant, my body needed the Greek yogurt. My energy levels have been thanking me. Blood work, yeah, I haven't done that yet.

I want to post something in regards to last Friday's shooting, but it depresses me. Nor do I want to go into a religious/political tangent.

Oh, and I am the meanest/nicest mommy in the world... according to a 3-year-old.

I will have a more thought provoking post soon, I promise. ;)

Bone pain among other things.

I should be re-directing you over to my fitness blog with an update on the recent Ragnar relay race that I accomplished. Instead, I am fixated on my health lately. Sometime in late August, I started to notice that I was getting really tired, and I mean really tired. I shrugged it off as my monthly friend was about to visit. She finally came and went, and my fatigue decided to stay, and hasn't decided to pack its bags and leave. I've been doing CrossFit regularly at this point, and became Paleo, which did wonders on my GI track. I finally was getting tight and toned, and saw the 120's once again. Everyone has been noticing how wonderful I've been looking, except, I felt like absolute poop. Not to mention the dark bruises that ran up and down my legs, and all the other places a barbell touched.

I went to the doctor after getting an infected bump on my elbow, turned out to be cellulitis, oh joy. I was prescribed two antibiotics and was sent on my way. I was due for a follow-up several days later. A week went by, and I came strolling in. This time, I was really concerned about how tired I had been. I didn't think this was normal, at all. I was working out, and eating right, and I was supposed to gain energy, or so I've been told. The doctor was concerned with the bruises, and decided to take a blood panel. Shoot, maybe I was anemic? Nope. A few days later, as I was stepping into my friend's truck to go to our Ragnar relay race, I get a phone call from the nurse. I am being referred to a hematologist due to my prothrombin time being elevated, and I am vitamin D deficient. I am thinking, great.. I could literally break a leg during my run this weekend. I had 3 legs that amounted to 13.7 miles, and by the 3rd leg, my bones were definitely feeling fatigue.

In the past two weeks, my shins have had a dull ache that won't go away and gets worse at night. I am afraid to go to the doctor, because I have hunch that they are going to tell me that I have stress fractures. This will sadden me. This was the EXACT reason why I was discharged from the Marine Corps. I feel like every step forward, I take 2 steps or marathon backwards. I briefly tell me friends about what is going on with me lately, but not really. Not how I don't understand why my blood is not clotting fast enough, or why I am having bone pain that could be contributed to vitamin d deficient, or how I am so tired that I want to take naps after I drop off my daughter at school, and how I go to sleep extra early at night, because I can't keep my eyes open. How I really need to talk to my dean at my college, because my studies have gone into poopland, because I am too foggy brained to even focus. Maybe it is stress, maybe I put too much on my shoulders lately, or maybe I just need to actually get these referrals through and have the courage to see the hematologist that I was supposed to see a week ago. Yep, I am notorious for wanting to be blissfully ignorant. Anywhoo, I just had to write this post. Because honestly, I am tired of being sick and tired.

The first day

My 5 year old just started kindergarten last week, and as I walked her to her classroom, a reel of memories flooded over me. 5 years I've nurtured her, through my womb when it was just us two, to witnessing her daddy hold her the first time from a long combat deployment, to watching her pick at her pink and purple princess birthday cake on her first birthday.

Watched her realize for the first time she would understand a pcs move the summer before she turned 2, and the panic on her face when we sat in an empty home. The road trip across the country, and watching her run across our new house, and the excitement on her face when she discovered her new room. Meeting her little sister and future partner in crime. Taking her little hand to her preschool, and watch her play with children her age.

 As we guided her to a new school, where I could no longer stay for awhile, she eagerly ran in, and forgot to turn around and tell us goodbye. My husband was caught by surprise, and it wasn't a cling to the leg, no... it wasn't a whimper or a cry. He called after her, and she ran back and gave him the biggest hug. I shrugged my shoulders, and realized that she will be alright. See, for my little girl, this is just the beginning. And I am sure as she grows up to be a woman, I will be playing that darn Mama Mia song...

Craziness!

I am starting up my college courses on Monday, and somehow got talked into 16 credit hours for the semester... eek! My daughter starts kindergarten next week, and my other one starts preschool in early September. Oh my! I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. Like, give me a brown bag to breathe into overwhelmed.

In other news, I am taking that stress out in CrossFit. An amazing way to get my toosh kicked every week, but I am getting results. I am going to be a Ragnar Relay participant this fall, and I am pretty excited about that!

Anywhoo, lots to say, but I am tired. Tonight's work out of the day wore me out!

Until next time,

I have a new job!

Well, I still sell Scentsy; however, I have a new position at a really nice organization as their office manager. It is extremely high paced, but very doable. Maybe I am just really calm under this form of pressure. Did I mention that I haven't worked for this level of work since I was in the Marine Corps? That was 6 years ago. Amazingly, my administration skills is like riding a bicycle, whew. My staff is great, and I really like the founder/president. She is amazing, and very inspirational.

Other than that, I need to squeeze more running into my insane schedule. I work full-time now, and with the hubby and the girls, I am busy with them when I get home. I am supposed to be training for my Ragnar race, and I need to get my schedule up to par starting next week. I thought about grabbing my Pinterest ideas, and creating more freezer meals. I just ran out, and they are great when you're busy, busy, busy. I thaw one out the day prior, and the morning of, I pop it in the crockpot. That way, dinner is done when I get home, and I can stuff my face, and go run.

In other news, my husband also finished up with his command last week, and Monday started at a new one down the road. I believe he misses his old office, but I am sure he'll adjust to this one soon, (like he has a choice, lol).

I feel really blessed right now. I never envisioned that my life would turn out the way it did. There are days when I feel swamped with the girls, and I can't breathe. Then, there are days, (like today) where I feel like everything has fallen into place. One of my blogger friends graduated Marine Corps boot camp last Friday, and I am so proud of her! Seeing all of her pics, reminds me of my experiences like it was yesterday. I freaking miss the Marine Corps, and I miss wearing the uniform. I miss my friends that I made, and I would do it all over again in a heart-beat. My life has gotten so busy, that I neglect a package to come back in, and I keep getting older. Luckily, I am older, because I've realized at my current job, the magnitude of the position I hold. I didn't understand that when I was a twenty-year-old Marine at an executive level command. It is what it is.

PCS Season

If you're a part of the military family, then you know that during the summer months there is a huge peak in receiving permanent change of station orders, also known as PCS orders. At our current duty station, we've been here 3 years this summer. I've been a part of the military - as veteran and a wife - going 8.5 years, if you include my poolee time too. So, I have looked forward to the constant change of locations, meeting new people, exploring, being the gypsy soul I am. A month or so ago, I found out that we are not going anywhere anytime soon. I allowed myself to angry, sad, frustrated, pity party for a a couple of days, and then as usual, I move on. I was really looking forward to a new change of pace.

The grass is not always greener...

As much as I've grown in the last 8 years, this particular duty station is not for the faint of heart. However, it is not like Twenty nine Palms, where you somehow had an epiphany that you took everything for granted, and now wished you could see and touch green grass again, or be near a shopping mall. Here, it is congested, the people are extremely rude, and it's greatly overpopulated.
I have the green grass, but with that, I also have 4 complete seasons to deal with -- which means allergies in the fall, and snow in the winter. For some, this is a great thing; however, since I am from Texas, I cringe. I plan my day around traffic, and I don't live on base. I've realized that people on this particular base, expect you to come visit them. They refuse to step out of their bubble and drive the small distance to attend any of the events that you may throw-- even if they are going in opposite direction of traffic to and from. So, you try and find some friends in your local area, which is just as hard because not all of them share your military experience. Some of them will make you aware that they can't allow their children to bond with yours because they might get too attached. I can't even make this stuff up.

So, I thought we were at the light of the end of the tunnel...

Nope, not yet. My husband was hand chosen to transfer to different command on the same installation, and here we stay-- maybe 2 years, I am hoping just a year. I could dwell on the fact that I am stuck in a rut, or I can see how I am going to change my attitude for the better. I choose to make things happen.

Plan of Action:

We own our house, and I've decided to utilize my time in doing DIY projects to improve the interior and exterior.

I've joined a running group to do more races.

Enrolled my daughters into school.

Decided to take a much needed family vacation.

Scrapbook a little more.

Visit the local tourist attractions, which consist of battlefields.

Enroll myself back into college-- for good.

These are all my short term goals, and hopefully I can keep myself and the family busy so I am not having another pity party, lol. I believe the hardest thing is letting go of the past, forgetting the future, and just enjoy the present.

So, I want live vicariously through each and everyone of you! Tell me where you are, you don't have to be specific, but maybe the state or region. Write a blog post about the pro's and con's of where you are living life, and leave some pictures. Link back here, so I can read your posts, and maybe other bloggers can too. Thanks!

Changes

This blog is about to go under construction! I am super excited, and I've already seen all the new exciting changes. It is going to be clean and classy. A new thing I am doing is introducing you to my other blog, Semper Fi on the Fly.. my fitness and clean eating blog. I am also going to allow sponsors on my website as well. So, if you would like to advertise your business, I am starting to take offers! :)

What is worse than PCS orders?

Being at a duty station for almost 3 years, and finding out that you're not getting any at all.

Sneak peek from our family photoshoot-- yay!

I will post more when I get them, and give y'all the low down on where this shoot took place! :)

Katy Perry - Part Of Me

Okay, okay... so I just saw the new Katy Perry music video, "Part of Me". I was a bit disappointed at first to see her portray a female Marine, and was like, "that b*tch doesn't rate to wear that uniform!" I quickly got over it as I saw the video a couple times more. Then, it dawned on me. That was me in 2004. The a-hole is not really worth noting, but heck, I actually relate to this damn song/vid.

In 2003, I met this guy aka douchebag-- and fell for him, ugh. I had plans on going into the Marine Corps, but he didn't want me to. So, I ended up living with him, and almost didn't go into the Marine Corps, because he told me that he wouldn't wait for me. He wanted me to be a suzy homemaker at the ripe age of 19. I wasn't ready to be that for any man. So, a few months dragged on, and I had a ship date for June. He decided to kick me to the curb the day after Mother's Day. I remember packing my belongings, sitting on his front porch dialing my recruiter's office. I was ready to ship immediately. However, my ship date had been taken since they hadn't heard from me a couple of months. I felt so stupid. I went back to my mom's house for a month, got a job as a waitress, and received a new ship date for August. I found out a week or so prior before my final ship date, that I was leaving to Parris Island sooner. A girl had gotten pregnant, and I was slated to leave in July. Hallulajah. I was so upset with this guy, and the Marine Corps was my official way out.  I went to bootcamp, finished, came home to find out that he had missed me. I was a fool, and decided to go on dates during boot leave, thinking that we were going to be okay. I went on to Marine Combat Training (MCT), got injured, and had to remain behind in medical rehap platoon. I had called him before Christmas to arrange a flight home for Christmas, and then he notified me two weeks before my leave, that he had found someone new. Huge slap in the face. I had given him my Marine Corps ring during boot leave, and I retrieved it back during Christmas.

Honestly, it was the best thing that did happen to me. He was completely wrong for me, and I got fortunate enough to find my husband when I was on active duty. I just can't help but crack up to how I relate to this video. 

 In fact, I remember thinking, I'll never let a man do that to me again... I had finally grown a pair, and did something empowering for myself. So, as much as everyone wants to bash the video, for Katy wearing a uniform that she didn't earn, or the glorifed scenes of being on the beaches with landing assault vehicles, in my eyes, as a real female Marine, I was like, "Holy shit.. that was me back then..."

What becomes of a deployment?

I've sat comfortably for the past 2.5 years without my husband having to deploy, or having work-ups towards a one. One of my good friends is impending her first deployment, and I can't help but reflect how I felt when Mr. B left two times back to back on combat tours.

I followed my husband to the Mojave desert from the paradise beaches of Hawaii because I fell madly in love with him, and I couldn't see myself away from him. I was exiting the Marine Corps, and I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, or at least I thought I did. I didn't realize the struggle I had to re-identifying myself back into the civilian sector, but being too close to the Marine Corps at the same time. We got married in Vegas, not exactly what I had planned, but he was merely weeks from deploying with the first round of guys in the unit.

I couldn't understand why we were fighting so much, and walking on eggshells everytime we looked at each other. I was confused, hurt, and didn't know how the guy I fell in love with in Hawaii was now distancing himself from me. I sulked alone, because I was alone. I was newly married, and still living out in town. I hardly knew a soul. Then, I became pregnant. I was more than emotional, afterall, my newly husband was leaving me to a combat deployment. I finally met with some other active duty sailors from my neighbors house, and one of them coldly told me that my husband was not going to be granted to come home for the delivery of our baby. It was a harsh reality. A few weeks later, he was sent on his way. We finally got base housing a few days before his departure, and I remembering looking at all the packed boxes, while he was packing up his gear. I honestly felt helpless.

The night before he was set to deploy, I felt tears streaming down his face. He claims that his eyes were watery. He also just got to see our little one swimming around for the first time on an ultrasound earlier that day.

The buses came in January a little past midnight. It was freezing, and I sat snug inside our heated car. I saw the wives outside with their husbands sipping on hot cocoa from the roach coach. I just felt like I was losing my bestfriend. We finally got out of the car, because he told me it was almost time to get into formation. I wanted to cling to him and not let go. I didn't like this unknown stranger that was taking everything we had in common away-- I had never deployed. I left him in formation, because I couldn't bear to watch the buses pull away. I got into our car, drove the couple of miles to our new home, crawled into our empty bed, and wept. The first couple of weeks were the hardest. Pregnant, I cried a lot, and mostly at night when I realized that I was going to bed alone. I was grateful when I could hear his voice at mostly every stop he made before entering his new home for the next 8 months. The conversations were never long enough, and I was heartbroken everytime he had to go.

Those were the first two weeks. If you never endured a deployment, those first two weeks are hell. I became stronger each day, and I slowly crawled out of the house. I am pretty sure I locked myself in for awhile, and left only for food. I remember going somewhere, and someone mentioning that their husband just left with main body. For me, two weeks gave me some strength, and now I sympathized with this fellow spouse since her two week journey just started. I got tired of sulking, and started branching out. I joined the key volunteers for our unit, and finally met other spouses that I would lean on during the deployment. A few months later, and a growing belly, I decided to take a sneak peek at our little one, by traveling to San Diego for a 3D/4D ultrasound. I felt it was my mission to to show Mr. B who she was. I sent the recorded video, and shipped it for his birthday.

We were having a little girl! I sang to her in the shower, and talked to her in the mornings when she woke me up with her little kicks. I was getting excited.

I've had other posts about some details that I went through during that deployment, and frankly, I don't want to rewrite it again. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I got gallbladder disease and it started making things more complicated. He didn't get to come home for the birth; however, he was on the phone for the delivery-- in the nick of time. I was prepared for it, I had a great support from my friends that were determined to hold a leg while I was welcoming Miss K. It is amazing what me and that little girl has gone through together, alone. Somehow, she still manages to be a daddy's girl.

Deployments are tough, but you'll get through it. You'll find friendships that you never knew you had, and the strength to wake-up each day. Because at least for me, I had a little girl I needed to take care of. Oh, and you'll learn to sleep with your cell-phone next to your head. I actually have friends that get frustrated with me because I don't respond to texts fast enough. I just tell them that I am not a slave to my phone anymore-- at least for now. ;)

Letters to my Daughters...

I've been doing some thinking for a long time to create another blog just for my daughters, hence the name of this post. So much goes on each day, that I want to vent, share, and give encouragement years before they understand what I am trying to tell them. After all, my girls are young. Today, I had a moment with my four-year-old, another life question. Often, Miss K frustrates me, makes me question my parenting, I often sulk, but I get my big mommy pants back on, and take a deep breath. I will provide a link soon, so you can also follow on my mommy journey with my newest blog, "Letters to my Daughters". The first post is a fitted beginning of what happened today.

My New Year Resolutions!

After looking back this past year, I accomplished a few goals I never thought I would ever be able to do. I finished a half-marathon, and a few obstacle mud races.

This year, this is my goal for myself--

1. Eat Clean-- no more processed junk. Hello, Tosca Reno with the Eat Clean Diet!
2. Run 2 races a month.
3. Complete at least 2 half-marathons, and a full marathon by the end of this year.
4. Promote to Director with my Scentsy business. If you ever thought about buying or joining, check out my personal website HERE!!
5. Declutter my entire house, and have a massive yardsale.
6. Become completely debt free.

That is what I have so far... What are your New Year resolutions?